I wrote this just over nine months ago and wasn’t brave enough to share. On HG Awareness Day 2018, I’m plucking up the courage.
I want to talk about HG
With the recent Royal pregnancy announcement the press were on fire again. I actually knew it was coming. There had been whisperings in the community. Reporters clocking the duchess coming in and out of hospital. We nodded silently and gulped with empathy. We all took deep breaths…..
You see for those of us in the HG community, these Royal announcements come at a price to our mental health. Kate Middleton’s first pregnancy was the first time Hyperemesis had made it into mainstream media. It raised awareness of an often misunderstood illness that so many of us suffered in silence with. It also attracted a fair amount of unpleasantness and shaming.
I share quite a bit about myself in here. After all, a blog is supposed to be reflective. It’s supposed to be a recording of my thoughts and ramblings. But this is also my business page. I do like to keep a certain level of privacy and there is a book I’m reluctant to open to the public.
With the work I do for a pregnancy sickness charity I’m wired into the community. The press requests came pouring in and a call to arms in sharing blogs and articles erupted. I wanted to help. I wanted to write. I wanted to talk about HG. But I couldn’t find the words.
Twelve years after my first diagnosis of hyperemesis gravidarum and I still can’t find the words to blog about it. Is it the conversations I’ve had over the years? The conversations where people told me “pregnancy is a blessing not a curse”, “you should be happy. Some people can’t have kids.” or “you just need to stop being silly and eat something.” Is it because I feel what I have to say has already been said, and no matter how many times we say it, they still won’t believe us?
I’ve spent most of these royal announcements sharing the odd article and then retreating into a media blackout. All I can do is to continue my one to one support for the HG sufferers assigned to me, through texts of encouragement and let them know that they are heard. This is what keeps me going.
It may just be that I don’t feel I can ever truly convey what I went through in words. It will never be enough. Or maybe exposing myself to the judgement of the internet scares me. So I’m leaving this wound closed.
I will say this; HG made me who I am today. It’s a beast. If you ever go there; please find me. I’m here to listen.